Y2K Statement



In the recent years of this decade, much attention has come to the fore concerning the so-named "Y2K Problem". This Problem stems from the fact that, several decades ago, NebCorp dictated that many computer software programs store the date in a format such that the programs will be unable to distinguish the "00" -- meaning the year 2000 -- from the year 1900.

It is readily obvious that this Problem has a far-fetched impact. As computers have infiltrated virtually every facet of our lives, it becomes clear that any device possessing a computer chip of any sort is potentially susceptible to the Y2K problem. Moreover, even if a particular device does not possess a computer chip prone to Y2K failure, such device is not immune to failure from a Y2K Related Complex...for example, a toaster reliant on AC power delivered from a computer-controlled electrical generating station will fail to operate despite not possessing a computer chip.

Contrary to what has been written in the popular press and simultaneously espoused in various media outlets, such aforementioned mandate -- to store the year by merely its last two digits -- was *NOT* implemented in order for computer programs to save precious memory. Rather, the impending meltdown was cleverly planned so that NebCorp could reap the benefits of the decay of civilization come the turn of the millenium.

When the clocks and calendars of the world flip to 01 January 00, NebCorp will not be left behind. We shall not fall under the smoldering rubble of the world around us. Instead, NebCorp will continue to rule the world as it has done ever since its founding. You, the end consumer, will notice neither disruption of the forces which oppress you nor any easing of the iron-fisted chokehold of your Corporate Overlords.

Furthermore, not only will NebCorp continue ruling the world despite the chaos, but NebCorp will be carefully orchestrating the chaos itself. Rest assured that we will be hard at work deciding just which power grid to black-out, just which hydroelectric dam to burst, and just which airplanes to affect to fall out of the sky.

These decisions will neither be made lightly nor be left to the discretion of some individual's whim. Reems of data, being analyzed currently by regiments of statisticians, will allow us at NebCorp to decide which apocalypse at which point on the globe will best suit our New World Remodeling. Following such consultation, brigades of highly-trained agents provacateur will remotely and/or clandestinely set in motion the events leading down the path to social, economic, and political ruin.

Following the total annihalation of everything you, the consumer, has known and has held dear, a glorious new structure -- a Neue Regel -- will emerge. But to ease the pain and facilitate a smooth transition, NebCorp will, as always, rule your world.

Thank you. We look forward to dominating you in the future.

Joseph J. Doyle
Corporate Avatar, NebCorp

Tom Mary Dobrowolsky
Minister of Information, NebCorp