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Qwert shmarble
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  • item 10lb
  • pack 20lb
  • Lead time 2 days Sales Rank: #4,603 in Everything Else
Item Weight: 10.00 pounds.
Shipping Weight: 20.00 pounds.
ASIN: B00009KJB2
Date first available at Nebazon: January 3, 2003
Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars Based on 15 reviews. Write a review.
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Product Description
Item 10LB Pack 20LB

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71 of 75 people found the following review helpful:

5 out of 5 stars Out of stock!!!!, October 13, 2003
Reviewer:   "sculp7ur3" (Tucson, AZ) - See all my reviews
I kinna belieeeve I have traveled so far to locate Qwert Shmarble only to discover that it is no longer stocked!!!! Ye gods! It has been nigh on forty years looking for such a scrubious balm, only to discover one imporster or another. Qwert Shmarble is easily spoken of, but difficult to pin down. Users of the anti-posticulate, such as those skintoxic exoskeletons like Qwert Bingle and Dvora Lingus would easily mistake Qwert Shmarble for its distant pseudo-phylum Qwert Shmarball, which itself is less of an ingredient for cellulo-phygistic axiomatic spasm collapse than an auto-generated spam of the ronditorily common banal tongue. But they are to be forgiven, for they know not of whence they spake.

Put another sharmph on the Bobby and high-heel your tails to the land of ron-don-fondle.

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36 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5 out of 5 stars A Brief History of the Qwert Game Company, June 8, 2004
Reviewer:   Karl Mamer (Kirkland, WA USA) - See all my reviews
A lot has been said about the Qwert shmarble already but allow me to bring consumers up to speed on the phenomenon that is, or was, the Qwert Game Company, so they might make a more educated purchasing decision.

It's been a bit more than a quarter century since an obscure Romanian theoretical physicist named Cvbnasd Qwert, working behind the communist Iron Curtain, took the West by storm by turning his research into the 4th dimension into a children's puzzle called the Qwert Tesseract. For those born in the 1990s, who know no other world than the mighty free market, let me bring you up to speed. Communism was an evil system of government. Communists stole elections, invaded small nations with a massive unstoppable war machine, wantonly imprisoned and tortured dissidents, and made broadcast media subordinate to the whim of unelected officials. Thankfully we live in a much different world. We are free and we have never been at war with EastAsia.

And for those who were born in the 1990s and cannot believe generations of children before might have actually had fulfilling childhoods despite being forced to play with 8-bit game machines, or worse, their hands and their imagination, the excitement and trepidation caused by the Qwert Tesseract might escape the Sony Playstation crowd. The Qwert Tesseract was a devilishly clever colorful hypercube puzzle that had many in the West wondering "If every Eastern European and Soviet kid over the age of 4 can solve a hyper-dimensional puzzle and read the Brothers Karamazov in its original Russian, what chance do we have against the Soviet bloc in the 1984 LA Olympic Games? They'll out think us and out play us! Why only a miracle could save our national pride. A miracle, I tells you!"

It's not an exaggeration to say that the Qwert Tesseract was a Sputnik-level event, a wake up call to the toy industry to start creating toys that challenged developing minds. The West responded with Hungry Hungry Hippo. In spite of itself, Western culture endured and eventually triumphed over communism.

The goal of the Qwert Tesseract was to mix up the hypercube's colorful surface and then make the sides the same color again. While that sounds simple enough, the hypercube's inherent and elusive fourth dimensional properties made it hard to accomplish the goal without opening a pan-dimensional rift and disrupting the time line. More children were lost this way (that is, going back and killing their own fathers before they were born) than the rash of out of control fires that devoured many a West Coast suburb during the late '90s because kids lacked proper parental supervision when they played with their Totter Tyke Methlab.

Cvbnasd Qwert quickly became a media celebrity in the West. Massive royalty payments made him the richest man in Eastern Europe until he mysteriously vanished. As unearthed post-Cold War documents eventually revealed, when communist officials realized Qwert was earning more than his official state-paid professor's salary of 10 rubles a month, Qwert was arrested and shipped off to a gulag. Not to make this product review a pro-democracy screed (although I believe provisions of the Patriot Act legally oblige me to make any online message board posting an affirmation of democratic principles), it's important to point out that that was the way they did things behind the Iron Curtain. In the West the vastly rich are typically allowed to enjoy their fame and riches for at least half a decade before we jail them.

Documents also revealed that Qwert, depressed by his imprisonment in Siberia, succumbed to injuries after a suicide attempt. Qwert repeatedly threw himself down a fight of stairs at a police station until he slipped into unconsciousness and death.

Fortunately, Qwert was survived by a son Hjkloi Qwert who managed to wrestle control of the Qwert Game Company away from a post-Soviet criminal gang that had acquired it following the Eastern block's chaotic transit to a market economy. The gang was using the Qwert name to move illegal guns and Russian prostitutes around the world. It laundered money by establishing factories to produce inferior kitchen wares like the Qwert Iggle (the only iggle on the market known to have killed more than three people simultaneously).

Hjkloi Qwert's first foray into the game market was a collectable role playing card game called Qwert Yuiop. Qwert Yuiop involved adopting the persona of a Romanian Unix developer. Your goal was to either acquire an American or Canadian wife (and a work visa) via IRC or else bring an end the Internet as we know it by DOS attacking anyone or anything that stands in your way of acquiring said wife. The game failed miserably. Aside from Hjkloi Qwert, who himself was a Romanian Unix developer, no one could figure out the game's appeal. Many called Yuiop the first role playing game in history to rival TSR's laughably bad Bullwinkle and Rocky RPG (BARRPG). Others felt while Yuiop was bad it could in no way be compared to BARRPG. After all, BARRPG is the first and only RPG in history to come with hand puppets.

The Qwert company was on the brink of fiscal ruin. Hjkloi wisely went back to his father's theoretical physics roots and hired several former Soviet Science Academy physicists to turn advanced scientific concepts into children's games. The Qwert shmarble is the first product to hit the market from Hjkloi's research labs. Much like the Qwert Tesseract it leverages a child's natural fascination with hidden dimensions. Unlike the original hypercube toy, the Qwert shmarble uses advanced super string concepts to create a snake-like puzzle that requires a child to unfold at least 9 hidden dimensions and then pack them all back again before a poorly understood quantum effect causes a change to Planck's constant.

Sources for this write-up:
"Qwert and the Wedding Gown" by Matias Montes Huidobro, John Mitchell (Translator), R.M. De Aguialar, Matias Montes Huidobro, Ruth Mitchell De Aguilar (Translator)

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Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars
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1 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5 out of 5 stars I liked it!, January 8, 2004
Reviewer:   Dadass (Wilmette, IL United States) - See all my reviews
lets just say i got what I payed for. A-hmm-hmm!!!

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21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

3 out of 5 stars Some nice features, but definitely not for beginners, December 17, 2003
Reviewer:   Thomas Yudichak (Austin, TX United States) - See all my reviews
Having been burned by cebsqa products in the past (and I have yet to receive a refund for the defective Qwert bingle), I was skeptical of all the hype surrounding the Qwert shmarble. But having just won $359.99 on a suspicious-looking scratch-off ticket, I decided to see for myself. It turned out to be ten of the most pleasantly surprising pounds I've ever received in the mail. The twenty pounds of styrofoam peanuts caused some inconvenience, but that was soon forgotten. It is a definite upgrade. I'd give the Qwert shmarble a higher rating, but found it somewhat daunting at first. Prospective buyers should keep in mind that even a Qwert bingle can be dangerous in inexperienced hands (and I have the scars to prove it).

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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5 out of 5 stars My Quest for the Qwert Schmarble Continues, December 9, 2003
Reviewer:   G. B. Winter "An American who can love it and laugh at it" (Birthplace of Teddy Roosevelt, USA) - See all my reviews
My uncle Herkimer gave me a left handed Qwert Schmarble on Sadie Hawkins day in 1969 and while it took me four years to figure out how to string the tongbobbers through the sprotflongs, nobody on my block could fire up the power fleem like I could. However, I tired of being the only one who could thicken gravy and seal a driveway with it and eventually the flugelmeister label fell off and it collected dust in the attic next to the snurkle. I came home after finals in 1982 and mom had sold it at a garage sale along with my Qwert Scarrrf and a Python electric regurgitator. Now that I have kids of my own, I am desperate to introduce them to the joys and wonder of the Qwert Schmarble. I have searched the inner recesses and lost links of ebay - I have unearthed boxes with the flugelmeister logo in countless garages - I have coursed through a lifetime of Pennysavers looking for one, just one, slightly used Qwert Schmarble.

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9 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5 out of 5 stars Qwert schmarble in my hair, burning, burning., December 3, 2003
Reviewer:   Sean M. Griffing "Banged up paradox" (Atlanta, GA USA) - See all my reviews
Ahem, Qwert schmarble in my hair, burning, burning.

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See all 15 customer reviews...


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