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Dominating every aspect of life is not a simple undertaking. Events must be meticulously orchestrated such that all possible outcomes fall in line with the master plan. Realizing such an end requires the cooperation of scores of individuals and civic, business, and religious leaders. Working together, NebCorp operatives (right) fabricate the high-quality perception of reality that you, the consumer, has come to fear in your loathesome existance.

A Sampler of Benefits


Ruling the world is not entirely about yoke of oppression and corporate overlords. You, the faithful NebCorp consumer, are entitled to a multitude of benefits. These benefits are provided for your convenience to help you forget about being dominated and, instead, to think far prettier thoughts.

In fact, most of the time, you are unaware that NebCorp is applying these benefits to your daily life. Utilizing our reconnaisance networks, we are able to monitor your life. Where we feel it will facilitate our Master Plan, we alter your life to conform to our standards and our precisely-engineered tolerances. Best of all, from your point of view, we undertake such actions transparently for your benefit!

Public Health

NebCorp believes that a healthy populace builds stable social structure; such a structure lays the foundation for the construction of a believable facade of reality. Additionally, the resultant quality of life gaurantees a long span of time during which NebCorp may beat an individual down in the most cost-effective manner. As a result, the maximum amount of productivity is extracted from any given individual unit. This is simply good economics.

To maintain such a state, therapeutic emporia are open to all members of the public and allow for a community healing environment. Those who need individual attention may seek admittance into our large network of specialized institutions. For everyone's safety, such individuals are usually not heard from for at least a number of years while aggressive healing remedies are pursued.

Emergency Management

NebCorp realizes that effective management and clean-up of emergencies is paramount in order to keep the world functioning properly and without loss. Emergency situations, therefore, must be dealt with in a timely manner.

Our specialized crews of emergency response teams are prepared for any situation that may arise. Constant training at state - of - the - art facilities gaurantees that Emergency NebCorp Workers may handle all emergencies. Our teams can be deployed at a moment's notice, regardless of terrain, weather, or the position of the sun with respect to the zodiac. In fact, our crews are so efficient in carrying out their monumental tasks that few people even take notice of their presence!

Additionally, in all emergency response situations, NebCorp exercises overt media control. Such precaution is necessary to prevent the induction of panic into the general populace. Rogue media personalities, then, are dealt with accordingly: for example, they may be used as fill to plug temporary levees.

Rest assured that, in any kind of emergency whatsoever, NebCorp is omnipresent to protect your quality of life!

24 Hour Roadside Assistance

NebCorp maintains a thoroughly modern fleet of repair vehicles to assist motorists. Be it a flat tire, overheated engine, or an annoying child in the backseat that you would like silenced, NebCorp's roadside gaurdians are available to help 24 hours a day year-round.

If you have ever found yourself travelling down the road and noticed a strange vehicle seeming to follow you, do not be alarmed! It was, more than likely, a NebCorp Service Worker scanning your vehicle remotely because she or he received a distress call from your own automobile. In approximately 9 out of every 11 cases, repairs have been remotely performed on your vehicle by one of these Service Workers.

Additionally, if you have ever found yourself driving long distances and noticed that you seemed to "skip time" or if you have wondered where those last 10 minutes have gone, again do not be alarmed! This phenomenon is the result of NebCorp Workers opening Time Gates which, conceptually, resemble rifts -- commonly referred to as worm holes -- in time-space. These Time Gates are operated for the benefit of distance and over-the-road drivers in order to expedite the delivery of goods.

Similarily, should you ever feel as though you have "lost time" you can be assured that this was the result of Time Gates working in reverse. As NebCorp strives to work within the laws of physics as much as possible, we need to conserve the overall quantity of time by releasing it in other geographic locations. We apologize for the inconvenience.

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Your Morning Coffee

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Every morning, much of the world wakes up with a cup of fresh coffee. That arousing aroma combined with the fresh, mountain-grown taste -- not to mention the chemical jolt of caffeine -- charges one's mind and fires the neural synapses of one's body. NebCorp nutritional scientists have spent decades perfecting a multitude of strong, rich blends.

And what goes better with your fresh cup of coffee than a wholesome chunk of Halvah? That delicious combination of crushed sesame seeds, petroleum products, copper, and tungsten really gets you going in the morning!

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Organ Recycling

Today's world is full of difficult choices, moral quandries, and ethical dilemmas. Why not extract your brain and leave the thinking to us? After all, NebCorp scientists, actuaries, and nutritionists have already determined what is best for you, the consumer. Furthermore, donating your brain -- as well as other vital bodily organs -- to science can have numerous beneficial effects for future generations. With a large supply of brains and other bodily organs, the research possibilities, and thus grand discoveries, are endless.

Over millenia, evolution has seen to the eradication of no-longer-used, or vestigial organs and body parts. At NebCorp, we have sped up the process. So, please, do your part.

Reduce! Reuse! Recycle!

 


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All material ©1999 NebCorp & Rev. T. Mary Dobrowolsky

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